


shining with sadness, the stars resemble us

by byeolbit



Category: VIXX
Genre: Angst, Gen, Inspired by boy with a star, M/M, plot revolves around death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-19
Updated: 2019-01-19
Packaged: 2019-10-12 18:38:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,180
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17472863
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/byeolbit/pseuds/byeolbit
Summary: Sanghyuk looks at the stars and thinks of the way the stars resemble the way Hakyeon’s smile and Taekwoon’s eyes shined.





	shining with sadness, the stars resemble us

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by Sanghyuk's song - [Boy With A Star](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iQWBGD0YP5A)

Stars start in the vast nothingness of space.

It’s a romantic concept. Warmth born out of the cold. Light formed from deep darkness, struggling and travelling light years to reach human eyes.

The brighter the star, the more violent it’s life cycle - Sanghyuk thinks bitterly. The brightest of stars burn the fastest and collapse the quickest. Black holes, devoid of all light and a cold vacuum, like the space the stars came from.

Humans sit on the sidelines and watch the story through a visage. Reading lines on an electromagnetic spectrum or observing light of events gone by for millions of light years. All humans can do is sit on the sidelines and observe as stars live out their lives, left with the bitter aftertaste of the knowledge that we are nothing more than a speck in this universe. Tiny and illuminated by the light of the bright stars passing through their life cycles by a stroke of pure luck.

Humans are unworthy of this honour Sanghyuk tells Hongbin. He is a little drunk and his entire world has been thrown off axis so violently that there is no scope of course correction. His words slur and tears streak his face but his intent is clear.

Humans are unworthy, he asserts and Hongbin rubs circles on his shoulders, let him cry his feelings out.

Humans are thankless for the small wonders in the sky. Ungrateful for the light and guidance received from the stars above on cold and lonely nights, taking them for granted when in reality they would be lost without them.

He should have told Hakyeon and Taekwoon that he loved them when they were still alive.

It is a train accident that killed Hakyeon and Taekwoon but it is the guilt of that admission that will kill Sanghyuk.

He doesn’t care that he is causing a scene. He doesn’t care that there are people staring. He doesn’t give a bloody damn about them whispering. Whispering. Talking. Words, words, words. They are all people can do after all. But they don’t heal wounds and they can’t fix a heart that has been brutally ripped apart.

Strong arms envelop him and pull him up. There is a deep voice telling him to come home now. That it’s enough now.

Wonshik is here.

Wonshik is here and Hongbin is here and Jaehwan is here too, paying off the tab. He doesn’t have to go through it alone.

But he is alone. It’s dark and cold and lonely in the night sky without the stars to light it up and Sanghyuk swears he can’t breathe. Lack of air is characteristic of dark vacuums. He looks up to the sky above and laughs bitterly. He is the cold nothingness of space without the starry and ever shining presence of Hakyeon and Taekwoon in his life.

He tells Wonshik this, laughing bitterly. He laughs and laughs and laughs till there are tears in his eyes, and then he is crying. He is crying and his knees are weak and if Wonshik wasn’t holding him up then he wouldn’t have been standing for as long as he did that night.

Humans are unworthy and the gods knew this when they took Hakyeon and Taekwoon away from him. Their death is a divine intervention disguised as his fault. If he hadn’t woken up late, the two of them would have caught the 8.15 train instead of the 8.45 which derailed in a collision with another.

Hakyeon had insisted on waiting to say goodbye to Sanghyuk. Taekwoon had acquiesced, knowing that meeting Sanghyuk before leaving had been important. He had no good explanation for that feeling when Sanghyuk had grumbled about being woken up early. All he had were low murmured protests when Sanghyuk had pulled the both of them into bed with him and cuddled them again.

He was used to both of them being within his arm’s reach when they woke up in the mornings. Taekwoon lying with his head on Sanghyuk’s chest and Hakyeon’s legs tangled in his while he lay sprawled over his back. He was used to Taekwoon humming and playing the piano while Hakyeon worked on making scented candles, combining odd chemicals into tiny melting wax kettles. Used to the way Taekwoon’s eyes closed and breathing hitched when they kissed him and how Hakyeon would smile into his kisses, unable to contain his heart bursting with joy.

Sometimes, bright stars burst into giant supernovae, spreading far and wide and away from the center of gravity that can no longer pull the particles back to the middle.

Sanghyuk can only silently watch as his life falls apart and all attempts to bring back Hakyeon and Taekwoon end in a meaningless grasp towards stars that are beyond his reach.

Supernovae collapse into black holes when too strongly pulled and Sanghyuk thinks that his loss will consume every fabric of his being and implode soon.

Sanghyuk is between drunk and sober and in this twilight zone, everything is hazy and everything is clear simultaneously. Wonshik says nothing and lets Sanghyuk hold onto him. Hongbin hugs him from the back and Jaehwan reaches up to pet his head.

Hakyeon and Taekwoon watch from the heavens above.

Science won’t explain this phenomenon and it’s a little more complicated than a matter of faith. They are dead and their souls are in transit, the bright lights twinkling like orbs. To the ones who don’t know, they might as well be stars.

The hardest thing they have ever done is to leave a loved one behind. The other soul stars glimmer with understanding, familiar with the pain yet hauntingly casual about it. All good things come to an end. Life is glorious and death, an ending but also a gateway to a new beginning.

Taekwoon wonders if the stars in the sky were the ones visible when the three of them would take late night drives to the riverside to eat cheese ramen and play basketball. Hakyeon laughs and says that it is quite possible that the souls here have witnessed the clandestine romantic moments that passed between the three lovers. That maybe these happy memories remain in the spaces between the twinkling lights of ephemeral stars.

Will there memories remain once they are gone? Will anyone remember them as intimately as Sanghyuk does now? Will someone else come in and fill the void in their beloved’s heart?

Taekwoon has no answer to Hakyeon’s questions.

He smiles sadly and the light shifts, his star twinkling bleakly as the dawn approaches. Come morning, they will have to leave. The other souls draw up their hoods and continue into the great beyond, the vast nothingness.

Sanghyuk looks up to the sky and wonders if Taekwoon and Hakyeon are there on the horizon, just beyond his line of sight and eclipsed by the sun like stars are.

He reaches up to the sky and imagines that he catches the last two stars that remain twinkling by the half moon and uses them to replace the hearts he lost.

**Author's Note:**

> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/poojamk15?s=09) | [Tumblr](https://vixxscifiwritings.tumblr.com) | [CuriousCat](https://curiouscat.me/poojamk15)


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